Kindergarten Cop 2 – Iyaz’s notes (unedited)

Podcast available at PodcastWithoutPretense.com
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  • We open at a motel
    • a blonde woman is unpacking and dolph lungren appears
    • Dolph makes his move on blondie – her name is Katja
    • Alexander barges in and slaps Katja. Apparently K betrayed A
    • A’s attention turns to D (Zogu is A’s last name). D says the safe word “Pineapple.” D explains it’s the code word for the raid order THEN the cops show up with bill bellamy. shouldn’ they have shoed up BEFORE then? like right after D said “pineapple?”
    • Zogu promises revenge. K slaps D upon finding out he’s FBI
    • D then talks to Bill. They are going for a drink
  • Time for the opening credits with fun music.
    • Dolph is working out. Unlike the original KG, the names don’t have any backwards letters (i don’t think).
    • DOLPH LUNGREN IS AN EP OF THIS.
    • 4 people took credit for the screenplay. Ought to be good then, right? More people = more better story, right? Right?
  • D’s name is “Reed” — to the FBI office
    • Bill and Reed talk about Reed’s love life
    • Reed did not get his twix from the vending machine. Bill says it’s karma
    • Reed pulls a gun on the vending machine until a higher ranking person appears.
    • Interrogation room
      • a grey poupon reference… is made about 30 years after it would be relevant.
      • A low level guy is being asked about his connection to Zogu.
      • Was going to sell to Zogu, but sold to Popov instead. He claims he was selling the Witness Protection DB.
      • the office goes on lockdown. lights out, alarms on. hostiles on the perimeter.
      • Reed grabs the thief b/c he believes this lights out thing has to do with him.
      • Shoot out at the FBI office. The hostiles are shooting a great deal and missing a lot. The good guys also miss a bit before hitting the hostiles.
      • Reed uses the vending machine as a shield as Bill, the thief and he go down a hall. I expect Reed to get his twix.
      • Wilhelm scream as people get hit by the vending machine. Reed gets his twix.
    • Later that day. Lights are on – Reed and Bill are talking to the higher up
      • confirmed: WP DB is compromised.
      • higher up stops Reed before he leaves and yells in his face. “GET ME THAT DRIVE” okay
  • Zogu’s residence. He’s talking with his lawyers as women swim in a pool
  • Back to the FBI, higher up is in the bathroom. gets calls from Reed and Bill. (Jason is the thief). Reed wants another chance at Jason.
  • SEATAC federal penn
    • Jason and Reed in an interrogation room. Jason’s brother Kevin had the drive and it’s hidden. Kevin is also dead.
    • “the kids know” — that’s what Zogu said?
  • Reed and Bill (who still has no name 17 minutes in) driving
    • Reed wants to question the kids
  • Bill interrogates children
    • i think this is supposed to be funny. the kids are full of useless information.
    • one kid says the flash drive is in the emergency kit. and they check: she confused it with a flashlight.
  • Reed pitches recon and he goes undercover w/o the school’s permission. he says it’s okay since he saw it in a movie once. (okay that didn’t happen).
  • Reed applies for the job
    • his resume is full of accolades and a letter of rec from the mayor
    • he’s being told we need a sensitive approach since the last teacher was killed.
    • reed is eye-fucking the love interest (Ms. Halstrom, the other KG teacher)
    • reed gets the job since the movie wouldn’t go forward w/o it.
  • Bill explains to Reed to wear an earpiece so Bill can help him if the children are too much. reed says “i got it”
  • School time
    • here’s hoping one kid recognizes Reed from Rocky IV or Expendibles.
    • slow-mo shots of the kids walking to class
    • In case we forgot, a graphic appears saying “Day One”
    • the principal is all new-age-y. respect/ reed is a citizen of earth just like you… feel-y stuff
    • Reed — today is technology day. we’re going to learn about computers — he shows a flash drive.
      • these kids are clearly older than KG age and apparently stupider than regular kids.
      • I had a 5 year old kid and that kid was able to focus on a particular thing.
      • okay — so that thing the kids said about the guinea pigs is important. some kind of pneumonic device. 
      • reading time — as he reads the story, he finds the story to be full of shit.
        • he says sharing is overrated. “never apologize for abilities that make you better than other people!” agreed, Reed. 
      • Recess: Reed finds flash drives in the copy room and a tazer. Zack Reed is is full name. Hal Pascal is the tech teacher and he’s there talking to Reed. He’s trying to make a friend?
        • Hal forces Reed to give him his number
      • Lunch time.
        • a kid asks him to heat up her tofu. he can’t do it in the plastic container.
        • Let me guess, Reed has a PBJ and a kid will freak out…
          • PBJ confirmed
          • Freak out confirmed: Cowboy freaks out, kids freak out. They all start running while screaming.
          • Cowboy is highly allergic it turns out.
          • ANd then the tofu explodes open the microwave door.
  • Back to Zogu’s place with lounging women at the pool.
    • Zogu wants the drive. He’s also preparing fish.
  • Back to school
    • it’s nap time.
    • reed goes through the flash drives and opens all the files instead of looking at a file explorer
    • Reed offers the kids cookies. They ask adult-like questions and then they eat.
      • Sugar high happens all at once. “I want candy” plays as the kids go wild. Reed cannot control them.
      • he yells “QUIET!” to no effect.
      • one kid pees in to a trash can. another kid pours paint on another. Let’s assume those cookies were laced with cocaine.
      • Reed comes to Halstrom’s class with a kid who peed on him. Halstrom takes the kid away.
      • Halstrom gets the kids to calm down by clapping a bit. Then they go to meditation time.
        • Reed is very happy. He questions halstrom about Kevin. She calls the kids “these little brats” although Im pretty sure the kids could hear her since she’s like 5 feet from them.
        • Reed flirts with his daughter.. I mean daughter-aged colleague. 
    • End of day one. 41:45. Getting a bit bored. 
  • Back to Reed’s place where Bill is waiting. 42 minutes in and Bill gets a name thanks to the captions. His name is SANDERS.
    • they’re having beers
    • Reed is threatened by Zogu’s goons. He beats up both.
    • Reed tries to get the kids to behave using an air horn. he is disciplened
    • Reed talks to Bill and wants an earpiece so he can have help. (they fought b/c Reed doesn’t ask for help)
    • Bill helps Reed deal with new parenting/new ways to talk to children. what a load of shit.
    • 51:45 — GOING TO A SECOND SCREEN. 
  • Zogu visits some lady. Claims he’s FBI. She gets all racist and says “you don’t sound like FBI.” An immigrant can’t join the FBI? Fucker.
  • Back to school.
    • Reed finds a lot of flash drives. He’s being followed by BUttercup, the therapy pig.
  • Back to Zogu and the lady.
    • he asks about Jason and finds out about Kevin (the brother)
    • the lady explains Jason is the con man, Kevin is the genius.
    • Must be the mom.
  • School: Reed gets caught in Holstrom’s office by Holstrom. Reed asks Holstrom out and she says yes. He asks about the same night. And she says she hasn’t had plans outside the school in months. Welcome to KC2 — where we’ll see full frontal nudity b/c Reed is scoring later.
    • Hal says he called dibs on Olivia Holstrom. Reed explains “I’m taking her out tonight.” The therapy pig seems to annoy my dog.
    • Reed sees a dad being rough with his kid (Molly).
    • Zogu sees Reed at the school.
  • Back to the office
    • Find out Molly’s dad was drunk.
    • Bill wants to talk about the date and Bill explains Reed can’t sleep with her.
  • Zack already has Holstrom at his shack by the water
    • Holstrom cleans up nicely.
    • She says Zack’s muscles scream “one night stand”
    • Reed plays an album on his turntable. yes, really.
    • Holstrom is turning into putty.
    • 1:02 — check the time. Still 37 minutes left? HOW?
    • holstrom laments that kids forget their KG teachers. BULLSHIT. I still remember Miss Conte. She was a nice lady. 
    • two of Zogu’s goons (the ones who Reed beat up) are watching Reed
    • Reed asks about if Kevin left anything with Olivia and she’s getting a bit weirded out.
    • Reed offers a Twix to Olivia — it’s his one vice. She eats his bar. He says “You want me to show you how I stay in shape?”
      • nope. it’s not sex. it’s line dancing. LINE DANCING.
        • He gets Olivia to ride a mechanical bull. And the video actually goes slo mo for a bit. down goes olivia. She’s broken her neck. this movie has taken a terrible twist. (okay, she didn’t break her neck).
        • beers
        • Zogu shows up and Reed is freaked a little. He pulls Olivia out of the bar
          • Reed explains that Zogu is the head of the Albanian crime syndicate.
          • Olivia is turned on that Reed protected her. And now she’s eye-fucking him with a lip bite, no less. KC2 — with nudity. Coming soon. 
          • Reed asks to continue later
  • Back to the FBI — > 1:10 – SANDERS officially gets a name by the higher up (who also has no name).
  • Now school
    • Hal is in the principal’s office. Says Reed needs to be fired b/c Hal found a taser in Reed’s office. The principal accidentally shoots the taser into hal’s nuts. Reed turns off the gun after dropping it. Hal admits he shit himself a little bit.
  • SANDERS is spying on Zogu. Then gets distracted by the women.
  • Nature walk time –> NO it’s Capture the flag time.
    • Olivia has her class
    • bad ass music plays for Reed’s class
    • Olviia’s got a naughty school girl thing going.
    • friendly bet: loser pays for dinner.
      • Sophie has a fake flag, while some other kid really has the flag.
      • Molly is crying.
        • finding out more about Molly’s drunk dad, Mr. Edwards.
          • Edwards lost his job. Reed has a talk with Edwards and tries to set him right. Olivia is turned on by this. 
  • bachelor auction
    • Reed is up. bidding starts at $100 ends at.. $2,000. It’s Olviia fanning cash. OLIVIA IS TURNED ON BY THIS.
  •  another shot of Meeja the guiena pig –> is the drive in the cage?
    • Here’s the poem about guiena pigs again. This has to be important. 1:20 in. Can we get to it already.
  • Agent Sanders gets tricked and knocked out by a gang member
    • surveillance van stolen.
    • Miss Sinclaire is the principal. Reed explains the school needs ot be locked down b/c they are in danger.
    • Hal has the kids at a sculpture garden. He’s carrying an odd canister.
    • Sanders knows the name Meeja. Olivia is in it?
      • Kevin called Jason that.
      • Reed figures out the poem means something.
    • the odd canister is a time capsule. Zogu shows up now. he claps and now Zogu takes the FBI weapons.
    • Zogu is headed to the sculpture gardens. Zogu orders to take the girl.
      • Zogu says it’s Reed’s MO to get romantically invovled on assignment. Olivia is turned on by this.
    • Bill is to be killed.
    • the principal saves Sanders by beating the henchman with a baseball bat.
  • The trojan horse method will surely play out again. 
  • the time capsule is handed over. there’s a multitool, a blue plasic thing and a flash drive. confirmed: it’s the database.
    • adults walk over to fish statues
    • Reed is about to be shot. He stops Zogu and asks for a last meal. Twix. (3rd mention)
    • The kids are in the fish with spears.
      • they attack the bad guys. Reed does most o fthe damage. It’s a good thing Zogu doesn’t punch children.
      • Hal beats the hell out of a guy
      • Reed chases Zogu
        • and gets the drop on him. fist fight in water. Zogu is defeated relatively easily in hand to hand combat.
        • Reed wins and says “Class dismissed”
          • Sanders mocks Reed for that quip and backup arrests Zogu
    • the parents show up and we find out Molly’s drunk dad owns a suit (or got a job)
    • the higher up gets a name at 1:33! by the captions! HIS NAME IS “BOSS”
    • Boss tells Reed to go back to work.
  • back to school
    • Olivia is alone. OLIVIA IS TURNED ON BY THIS.
    • Reed looks at some art work by the children.
    • Olivia walks and sees Reed. She calls him Agen Reed. OLIVIA IS TURNED ON BY THIS.
    • she runs and kisses him.
    • the prinicpal shows up with the kids. she says that’s strike 3. so Reed is fired? okay…
    • all the kids hug reed and olivia
    • the end.
      • credits. Meeja and Buttercup get credits w/ images (Mikey and percy)
      • Zogu? Nope.
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